I’m a bachelor, or it is a nice way of
saying I have no
dependents, I live alone, and basically have the power to walk out of
my place
and choose to live wherever I dare wish. I
have this gift, but yet I don’t think I have taken advantage of
it. For one, I do not live in my ideal
place. I currently live in Arlington,
VA
(right outside
of Washington D.C.). One of my biggest pet peeves is traffic and
there certainly is a lot of
it. So, as I was sitting in traffic one
day, I thought to myself, “If I could live anywhere in the U.S.
where would it be?” Of course, being in
traffic the answer was easy for me: some
peaceful, quiet town in Vermont.
| But as a football writer,
I knew during
football season I would quickly want out. If
that did not run me out, I think the Vermont
winter would. To help me find my future
home, I needed a rule, just one simple rule: My
city has to be one of the 31 metropolitan NFL cities.
Living in Tempe
would be alright instead of living in Glendale. Living in NYC would of course be fine instead
of having to live in New Jersey. After getting to my list of 31 cities, I will
cut it down by various reasons, some a lot less stupid than others. But by the end, my future city will be
picked. Before I get any farther: I will always maintain my devotion to the
Cincinnati Bengals no matter what city I live. I
will not switch over to the local NFL team. My
desire to live in an NFL city is the idea
of being around the NFL and the excitement that surrounds it. So I begin crossing out the cities: |
|
31.
The first city
to
get the ax: Cincinnati
I grew up in Dayton,
living only 45 minutes from Cincinnati,
but the point of this article is for me to spread my wings and find a
new
home. I love Cincinnati,
especially the chili, but if I can go anywhere in this country, why
would I
just drive south on I-75? Cincy is a
great city except I always have to explain to everyone that if you have
been to
the Cincinnati airport,
you
actually were in Kentucky.
30.
Goodbye Washington D.C.
There are two things you need to know when living in the D.C.
metro area: money and patience. Everything is so expensive in the Northern
Virginia/D.C. area and with traffic you need to be willing to wait.
29.
NYC
Way too big for me. I
need lots of grass, and just like D.C., way too much traffic. Also, for about $2,000 a month, you can get a
closet. I want to live somewhat
comfortably.
28.
Miami
Beautiful place to vacation, but seriously it’s a party
town, and football is just a small piece of the city.
It’s also monstrous hot in
the summer, and
I’m a guy who loves to wear my hoodies with his shorts.
27.
Charlotte
I heard they have an uptown instead of a downtown.
Charlotte
is NASCAR country, and I don’t want to get in a bar fight with any
NASCAR
fans. I respect your sport and will
leave you guys alone.
24-26.
Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Baltimore
This is purely chosen because I’m a Bengals fan. I
just can’t live in one of the cities of my
divisional rivals. Yes, I would get to
go to a Bengals game once a year, but I don’t want to be the bad guy, I
want to
be the Swiss, neutral. I want to be able
to walk in a Buffalo Wild Wings with my #85 Chad Johnson jersey and no
one
gives a crap about me. In Pittsburgh,
I know that certainly wouldn’t happen.
23.
Atlanta
I don’t think I am cool enough to live in the ATL. I do like going to the Varsity to get a hot
dog, but my short time while I was enrolled in college at Georgia Tech
was not
the happiest of times. I don’t think I
am really welcomed back. Note: I graduated from the University
of Virginia.
22.
Boston
I love sports, but sometimes baseball just gets on my
nerves. I think I would explode having
to hear Red Sox fans continually talking about their rivalry with the
Yankees. I just don’t want to be involved
with that.
21.
Buffalo
The cold, and being up in upper New York
state about explains it to me. Buffalo
reminds me a lot like Dayton,
it’s
a city where people live because that is where they are born.
20.
Philadelphia
Honestly, I’m a little scared. I have
heard some areas of Philly are a
little dangerous. Every time I meet
someone from Philly, they introduce themselves like I’m from Philly,
meaning I
am really tough and have been shot 5 times. It
gets a little on my nerves.
19.
Detroit
I was there this past summer; the town seems to be really
struggling with the automobile industry not doing too well. The good news though is housing is cheap; the
bad news is it is a little depressing. Also,
I could not fathom living in Hockeytown,
USA.
18.
Green
Bay
Nice peaceful town, but way too cold. Also,
I know I would never get tickets to
Packers games, so why try.
17.
Minneapolis/St.
Paul
Way too cold. Also, I
hate shopping so Mall of America would just get on my nerves.
16.
New
Orleans
This has nothing to do with the Katrina disaster, but rather
the scorching heat and the way the dead are buried.
I get freaked out with the
idea of people
being buried above ground. However,
Mardi Gras would be fun.
15.
Nashville
I am really not a fan of country music. I
have heard great things about the city, but
the music would drive me away.
14.
Phoenix
I have been there two times. Really have
enjoyed the city, but I feel I
would get bored of the desert
landscape and start being annoyed by all the golfers.
11-13.
Oakland, San Francisco, San Diego
Great cities, enjoyed visiting all three of them, but living
in California is so
expensive. Everyone seems to be so
wealthy in those areas and I would hate to tarnish that.
San
Diego
is one of my favorite areas, especially Coronado
Island,
but living within 100 miles
from the obnoxious kids from “Newport
Harbor”
or
“Laguna Beach” (whatever
the name is now) would drive me
nuts. I see those people, and don’t want
to be anywhere near people like that.
9-10.
Chicago,
Houston
The third and fourth largest cities in population.
Way too big for me. Houston
is also a fire pit in the summer.
8.
Dallas/Ft. Worth
Everything is bigger in Texas;
yeah, I could never consider myself a Texan. Texas
is like a whole
different country, and I am just not ready for it.
And I am a little scared of
Chuck Norris
(Walker
Texas Ranger).
7.
Kansas
City
Kansas City
has
good barbecue, but too be honest I’m not the biggest barbecue fan. I also fear about all those tornados. It is situated in “Tornado
Valley.”
6.
St.
Louis
I am a big fan of toasted ravioli, but as a whole the city
does not light a fire of excitement in me. I
would also get tired of people making
comments like: “You must like Budweiser,
because you are
from St. Louis.” You mean I wouldn’t be allowed to drink
Coors?
5.
Indianapolis
I really like the Carmel
area, but outside of Indy, the state of Indiana
is kind of boring. My sister-in-law did
go to IU, so she may disagree. Plus,
being in the same state as Notre Dame could get on my nerves. I hear about Notre Dame enough as it is.
4.
Jacksonville
I like that it is in northern Florida,
but the Jags are the only major pro team in Jacksonville. What am I going to do after football season?
I am not the type of guy that likes to lay out on the beach.
I have come to
the top three
cities. For those of you haven’t been able
to figure
out which cities are left here they are:
Tampa/St. Petersburg
Denver
Seattle
But, the time
has come for me to
cut another city. I must say goodbye to…….
3.
Seattle
Living in the Northwest would be really exciting. But
there is one thing I am not a major fan
of: coffee. I
drink coffee occasionally, but not religiously. I
can’t imagine being in a city where people
drink two coffees at once. I also don’t
like the fact that there is not another NFL team even remotely close. I want to be able to do road trip to games,
and in Seattle that is
hard. I don’t mine the rain, and I like
that Seattle
is close to Portland,
another city
that excites me. But, Seattle
is not my final destination.
Denver and Tampa
I like Tampa and Denver
for many reasons. I like the beauty of the
areas. I like the weather.
Tampa
does not get the intense heat southern Florida
gets, and Denver really
does not
get too harsh in the winter. I like that Denver
is
close to Boulder,
a fun college town to be at. I enjoy Ybor
City
in Tampa,
especially because my favorite sushi restaurant in the world is there: Samurai Blue Sushi & Sake Bar. Both cities are not extremely huge. Tampa/St. Petersburg is the 19th
largest metro area, while Denver
is
the 21st. When it comes to
football I would say I am pretty neutral toward both teams. But, this decision comes down to where I feel
comfortable. My only worry about Denver
is it somewhat by itself in the mountains. But
as a Midwestern, I think I may miss the
winter season in Tampa. So really this comes to comfort and Denver
gives me the chance to live in a not too expensive town, a chance to
experience
all the seasons, a chance to wear my hoodies year around, and a chance
to go
out and experience Big 12 football in Boulder- see what the big fuss is
all
about. Ladies and gents, I am heading to Denver. Bronco fans watch out, a Bengal
fan is moving in. Now, I just need to pick
the area: Englewood,
Glendale,
Aurora,
Greenwood
Village,
Cherry
Hills
Village. Maybe downtown? I’ve
got no idea, but I guess that’s what the
life of a bachelor. You go with the
flow, until some woman stops you and forces you to settle.
But, in my case……forces me
to settle in Denver, CO.
If anyone has any advice about or comments about any of the
cities I would love to hear them.
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