Before, I get any farther; I know what many of you guys were thinking:  this ODN actually goes out to bars? Shouldn’t he be home analyzing football games, studying his rankings, working on his mock draft, and doing what other ODNs do?  Sadly, the answer probably is yes.  That Obsessive Female Draft Nerd is out there somewhere.  I may have to search all the football blogs to find her, but I will.  Note:  I am not looking purely for a girl who likes football.  Really, almost any girl would do.  You know those USC Cheerleaders, yeah they would surely do.        

If you made it this far, congrats.  I figured many readers left the page after I mentioned “Hallmark” and “god’s gift to women.”  But, the fun must continue. 

For those sports nerds who really could give a crap about Hollywood they may not know that Britney’s sister, Jamie Lynn and star of her own Nickelodeon show is pregnant at age 16.  If the show continues, I fear many little girls also will want a baby, because Jamie Lynn has one and having a plastic baby is so yesterday.  Why buy a baby at Toys R’ Us when you can get one that moves, cries, and is soooo cute to look at.  Our society is becoming so obsessive with Hollywood that what I just said isn’t too far fetched.  Children need other role models to look at than Hollywood celebs and famous rich people that are famous for just being really rich and annoying (Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie).  Remember the days, when little boys had Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, and Michael Vick and girls had Marion Jones as role models?  What happened to those days?  One suggestion is for children to look up to real people, you know everyday hardworking people like firefighters, doctors, nurses, teachers, and of course your run of the mill football writers.  As a writer, I try everyday to be a role model.  I mean, I have only said “crap” once so far.  Well, twice if you just counted the last one.  My last advice for children:  Please don’t have Tom Brady as a role model.  The odds are you probably won’t win three Super Bowls and be dating maybe the hottest woman in the world, Gisele Bundchen.  So don’t set your limits too high.  I mean, if you are lucky, you can be like Marko Jaric, a mediocre NBA player who is dating Adriana Lima. 

As I make a transition from role models, it just reminds me that Marko Jaric has to be the Rudy story for every guy everywhere.  Here is a guy, not the pretty boy that Tom Brady is, has some basketball talent, but not the talent for a little kid to ever want to buy his jersey, but enough talent to stay in the league.  But out of no where, he was able to lift Adriana Lima off her feet.  Just a note, Lima is a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, so she probably just flew using her wings. But he did it, when no one thought he could.  He may have wanted to do it for “his father,” or maybe it was one of his friends “back home” in Serbia who died in a freak accident, but he wanted the opportunity to date one of the prettiest women in the land.  And he wasn’t going to let his lack of NBA stardom affect him.  He worked hard every day on the court to improve his game, just for the chance to date Adriana Lima.  He worked day and night, running, shooting, studying game film, anything to give him an edge.  And when he was at his maximum talent, he went up to Ms. Lima and used every single Brian Singer lyric that he could think of until he got her to like him.   All of us men out there should be yelling, “Marko, Marko, Marko.”  Next time I turn on and watch a Minnesota Timberwolves’ game (there probably won’t be a next time), I expect those Timberwolves players to carry Jaric off the court.   Note:  I am a huge Rudy fan, so I apologize for the parallelism. 

Well this is a football site, so I better talk some football.

The Cincinnati Bengals have made both J.P. Losman and Shaun Hill look like Pro Bowl quarterbacks this season.  In other Bengal news, Matt Toeaina, a former practice squad player and draft pick for the Bengals had a great game for the Chicago Bears against the Vikings.  Just wondering how Toeanina could not crack the Bengals’ defense, one of the worst in the leagues, but yet was able to go straight to the Bears and make an instant impact.  I just don’t get it.  If Toeanina goes on to have success with the Bears, and the Bengals continue to question why their defense does not improve, then maybe they should face reality and realize it is the fact that they are letting all their talent go.  The good news is Cincinnati looks good in the “Clash of the Choirs” competition.  It’s the first time in awhile that Cincinnati has a group of people focused on the team rather than themselves.  Both the Bengals and Team Lachey have the talent and firepower to defeat its competition, but it is Team Lachey that knows how to execute.  It also helps that there is no Boston, Pittsburgh, Indianapolis, or Cleveland team in the competition.

Before I go, I just want to note that the best NFL Head Coaching candidate is Jason Garrett, offensive coordinator for the Dallas Cowboys.  Garrett should be a candidate for all the NFL openings, but he may just stay in Dallas and be Wade Phillips’ successor.  If I was a general manager or owner, he would be my choice.  In other news, Bobby Petrino just sent me his resume.  I haven’t seen it yet because I’m still downloading all the pages to it.

I’m out, I got to get my fantasy rosters set.