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Saturday Night came by and
once again I found myself in
front of the television watching the way a dog does when its owner is
eating a
steak. I was excited, my palms were sweaty, I had some adult beverages
in the
refrigerator, and I knew that I was going to be entertained. And I
thought to
myself, “why can’t the Pro Bowl be like this?”
NBA All-Star weekend has
it down to a science. It is an
entire weekend of the greatest athletes in the world showing off their
talent.
Slam Dunk contests, Rookies vs. Sophomores, three point shooting
contests, skills
competition, Barkley vs. Bavetta, and the Title Nine sponsored shooting
stars
competition make for an enjoyable night that you can tell the players
really
enjoy. The game is on Sunday and for the most part, I really believe
that the
players like that as well. All of these things are what separate the
NBA
All-Star experience from the lowly NFL Pro Bowl.
The Pro Bowl is the worst
of all All-Star games. That is of
course, if you don’t count hockey and well, I don’t count hockey. The
game is
boring, there is no real excitement surrounding it, and there are just
too many
people to care about. Nobody sits at home and says to their friends “I
am really
torn on who to vote for safety in the Pro-Bowl.” And I can think of
about a
million and one things I would rather do than try and figure out what
makes one
offensive lineman start over another.
Unlike politicians, I
quickly thought up a plan to fix the
Pro Bowl. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, the new and
improved, NFL Pro Bowl Extravaganza.
The NFL needs to take a
note from the NBA and do an entire
weekend of events. You know all of those skills competition type events
the NFL
has? Well, let’s have all of those on Saturday night, a three hour
event like
the NBA. The weightlifting competition, QB competition, NFL’s fastest
man,
kicker P-I-G, and one more: Who wouldn’t love to see the NFL’s top
three WR’s
take their QB’s with them in a one on one pass catching competition
against the
top three CBs? Think about it, Carson Palmer throwing to Chad Johnson
who is
covered by Champ Bailey. Points are awarded for catches, yards, and
touchdowns.
Put these options in video games, market them by giving away a car,
televise
it, hype it up, whatever the NFL has to do to give this thing legs
because once
it does, it will do its own running. I
see this as a cash cow for the NFL.
As for the actual game
itself, let’s liven this up a bit.
The reason that it is so boring is because nobody, I repeat, nobody
except Sean
Taylor cares about this thing. (Did you see that hit? Can we just start
calling
him Sean-vict Taylor and be done with it?) If the NFL could find a way
to make
people care about this exhibition, then it too could be a huge
money-maker.
Here are some ideas for a way to make this game some fun:
1. Stop
letting the conference runners up coach the Pro-Bowl. “Congratulations
for being the third and fourth best teams in the NFL.” That doesn’t
even make sense. Let’s do this. NFL coaching or playing legends coach
the game. These guys are allowed to do Dancing With The Stars, but are
not allowed to be affiliated with the Pro Bowl? Really? Tell me you
wouldn’t love to see Don Shula vs. Jimmy Johnson. You can’t. Tell me
you don’t want to see Deion Sanders vs. Shannon Sharpe. Can you imagine
the post-game interviews? You know how when Tyson fought nobodies after
he fell apart? Remember how half the reason you got the Pay-Per-View
was to listen to Mike try to talk? This is the same thing. Scenario:
Shannon:
“WETRIEDTORUNTHEBALLBUTCOULDNTGETITSTARTEDONTHEGROUNDSOWETOOKTOTHEAIR”
(this is
not a grammatical error)
Deion: “You know how it
is, baby! Things do what things do
and we didn’t do some things that they did! Its…just…football…baby!”
2. Speaking
of money, what makes it? Fans. So let’s do this: Instead of punishing
fans in the NFL cities, do like the NBA. Rotate the game (sorry Honolulu).
And to heck with warm weather cities only. This is football, throw on
your spandex and get out there. In the NBA, season ticket holders get
first dibs on a package for the weekend. For instance, in 1997 when the
game was in Cleveland, I
had season tickets. I chose to go to the Saturday night stuff as
opposed to the game. I could have had both
though. Who benefits from having the game in Hawaii?
Nobody except the players who, at last check, were making enough money
to fly themselves there any time between February and mid May and
wealthy tourists and honeymooners.
3. No
punting, no field goals except the final two minutes of each quarter.
This is the Pro Bowl. Nobody wants to watch guys kick. We want points.
The game already doesn’t mean anything, so why does it matter if
someone has to go for it on fourth and nine from their own five?
The NFL is the most well
run, closely followed, and possibly
most popular sport we have. It is clearly time that its All-Star even
reflects
that. Enough alienating fans, players bowing out, and people forgetting
that
the game is on. You know that a game is pointless when all the talk on
the ESPN
is about how much nobody wants to talk about it.
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